Living In Technicolor!

My kids recently asked me to let them color their hair. Oh my, did I have thoughts about that! Most of these thoughts came from how I was raised; my beliefs handed down to me on what was an appropriate way to look and to dress. I couldn’t help but think that it was wrong for them to have multicolored hair. There is a right way to look and a wrong way to look.  Natural hair is right, multicolored hair is wrong.  

Reflecting On Your Own Beliefs

I paused and took a moment to reflect on why I held this belief so strongly. Why was it a problem for me if my kids had a different hair color? So what?  What was I making it mean about me? Am I a bad parent if my kids have multicolored hair? Was this a belief that I wanted to pass on to my kids? Did this belief align with the values I have now as an adult? Could there be a different way of thinking about it?  How can I tell if my belief is “right” or “wrong”?  

A New Way to Think

Author Jon Acuff presents in his book Soundtracks: The Surprising Solution to Overthinking that whenever we use words that deal in absolutes, like “never”, “always”, “must”, “have to”, see it as a red flag to question your thinking. “One should never have multicolored hair” shows that I think there is a right way to have hair and a wrong way to have hair.

He then offers three questions to review:

• Is it true?
• Is it helpful?
• Is it kind?

My answer to all three of these questions was “No.” Someone else may have different responses to those questions. But this was my opportunity to reflect on my thinking for myself and no one else. So, why was I continuing on with this belief?

Where The Fun Lives

I started to recognize that some of my beliefs were limiting me to right or wrong, like only seeing things as black or white. I was missing out on all the other possibilities in between. And the in-between isn’t shades of grey, it’s technicolor!  And I think that’s where the fun is! We tend to hold onto our long-standing beliefs with a strong grip and won’t let go. But what if we take a moment to question these limiting beliefs, and potentially a whole range of ideas may present themselves!

In the end, I agreed to let them color their hair. I worked on myself and my own thoughts and beliefs about it. I opened up my mind to the other possibilities of how to see it beside right or wrong/black or white. Other people might not agree with my decision and that is totally fair, but this is about me, my beliefs, and my decisions I am making for myself and my kids. 

What I came to realize is my kids are getting to live their lives in technicolor! They are showing their creativity. They smile when they look in the mirror and see their favorite color. They are expressing their joy on the outside. They aren’t thinking it is right or wrong; they are just having fun! And that is what is important to me as their mom.

Once I was able to let go of my right or wrong/black or white thinking…my limiting beliefs… I allowed myself to consider possibilities I had never even thought of before. So now I have a new belief. I want my kids (and me) to experience the happiness and fun that can come with living in technicolor! 

Want to learn more about how to no longer just exist after divorce but start living your life in technicolor? Schedule a free Next Steps Call with Dr. Stef here.

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