Dating After Divorce: Let's Talk About It...Or Not?

Dating After Divorce

Once you’ve decided to start dating after divorce, you may find dating so exciting that you can’t wait to share your dating stories with anyone who will listen!

Before you channel your inner Tom Cruise and start jumping on Oprah’s couch, take a minute to consider these three things before you start talking to others about your dating life.

1.  Where are you legally in the divorce process?  
   Depending on if you live in a no-fault or an at-fault state, dating too soon during your divorce could have legal implications that you cannot reverse. Ask your lawyer for recommendations on when you should start dating. Ah, yes, asking your lawyer for permission is so romantic. But, your lawyer can offer their best legal advice on the repercussions of dating for your situation, and if there is a financial impact, it may be worth it to wait.
   
   
2. How is your coparenting relationship? 
   If coparenting is going well and all is amicable, trusting and healthy, then you may be able to start dating sooner than someone else.
   
   However, if your divorce is not yet final, consider how the other parent might react if they hear about your dating life. It could turn an amicable situation not so amicable. 
   
   One question to ask yourself (and be honest): “Why do I want to tell my ex/coparent?”  If it is in your parenting plan that you both must disclose who you are dating, then definitely follow the parenting plan to the letter.
   
   However, if you are telling the other parent to get a reaction from them, then it may not be the right time to share.
   
   
3. How are your kids doing? 
   There is no definitive answer for when to talk to your kids about dating or new relationships.  Some kids are too young to even understand. Some are old enough to spot it before you even know what is going on.
   
   Take a moment to think about how your kids are adjusting to the divorce. If your kids are struggling with the transitions of a divorce, then you may want to wait before letting them know.
   
   Your parenting plan may or may not address when parents should introduce new people to their children. Always follow the parenting plan.
   
   Most importantly, listen to your kids. You can ask them hypothetically how they might feel and go from there. Ultimately, you cannot predict how anyone will respond to your new dating life. Being open to hearing what your kids have to say and having a safe space for them to express how they are feeling is going to be a good place to start. 

Once you’ve thought through these three questions, you will know the right time to share your good dating news with those around you.

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