My PreNup Story: Why This Female Physician Required a PreNup

“To PreNup or Not To PreNup?” 

That seems to be a frequent question posed when a physician is preparing to get married. There are plenty of different perspectives on prenups, but if you ask me—a female physician and divorced mom—my answer is, and will always be: To PreNup.

(Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer and am not offering legal advice. This is simply my experience and opinion. Always seek your own legal guidance.)

It didn’t matter who I was going to marry—I knew I would require a prenup. You can agree with me or not, but here’s my story behind that decision and why I’ll strongly encourage my kids to do the same.

Why I Chose a Prenup (and Why I'm So Glad I Did)

Early in my career, I watched several female physicians go through painful divorces, and let me tell you—it wasn’t pretty. I saw at least three women struggle with the emotional and financial toll of divorce, and the stress visibly impacted their ability to work efficiently in the ER. Witnessing their experiences solidified one thing for me: I wanted to protect myself.

When I eventually got married, I insisted on a prenup. The $4,000 I spent on that document felt like a lot at the time, but in hindsight? It saved me literally hundreds of thousands of dollars. Best investment I ever made!

Not only did it save me financially, but it also saved me time, energy, and sanity. 

Divorce can be exhausting, especially when it comes to sorting out finances. Thanks to my prenup, we didn’t have much to argue about when it came to dividing assets and debts—it was already done. We still had plenty to negotiate with the parenting plan and child support, but not having to battle over alimony was a huge relief.

Without that prenup? I know things would have been far more complicated (and expensive).

The Harsh Reality of Divorce for Female Physician Breadwinners

Here’s the thing: without a prenup, you’re essentially agreeing to let your state decide how your assets and debts are divided.

And as a female physician who worked incredibly hard to build my career, I wanted to protect what I had created. Years of dedication and sacrifice went into earning my degree, building my career, and establishing my financial stability—and I wasn’t about to leave all of that up to chance.

I do wish my ex and I had spent more time discussing the details of our prenup together. That’s one thing I’d change. But overall, having that agreement in place was invaluable. So, even if you are against the idea of having a prenuptial contract in place, still consider having the challenging financial conversation about “what if” to see if you and your soon-to-be spouse are on the same page or not. 

Why a Prenup is Like a Business Plan for Your Marriage

I know, I know—talking about prenups doesn’t exactly scream romance. But you know what’s really not romantic? Spending your hard-earned retirement on lawyer fees.

I see so many female physician breadwinners  in marriages where their spouse becomes a stay-at-home parent, and they don’t have enough discussion (or documentation) around expectations.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen this lead to feelings of resentment when the full-time female physician is still carrying the mental load of household management on top of their career. And if the marriage ends in divorce? That female physician may end up feeling taken advantage of when they have to split their hard-earned wealth with someone who wasn’t contributing equally.

This dynamic often looks different when the roles are reversed. Stay-at-home moms are typically managing the home and family schedule, which creates a clear and valuable contribution while the other spouse is able to focus fully on their career.  In contrast, if female physicians decide to reduce their working hours to manage household responsibilities during a marriage, they may not realize this can be used against them in divorce.

For example they may find themselves financially penalized if  their income is  imputed at full-time physician rates to use in calculating child support and alimony during divorce proceedings.

Protecting Yourself When the Roles Shift

If you’re planning to be the female physician breadwinner with a stay-at-home partner (or if you’re stepping back from your career to take on more household duties), have the hard conversations upfront.

• Talk about expectations.
• Define household roles and responsibilities.
• Discuss compensation and future financial well-being
• Consider documenting these agreements in a post-nup if you’re already married.

Yes, these conversations can feel awkward. But having clear agreements in place before emotions run high can save you countless hours of stress and thousands of dollars in lawyer fees if things go south.

I know firsthand that a prenup isn’t just about protecting your finances—it’s about protecting your peace of mind. And that, my friend, is priceless.