3 Reasons You Have Divorce Burnout—And How to Start Healing

Burnout has become a buzzword lately, especially among women physicians who have weathered the storm of the pandemic.

But burnout isn’t just about your job. It can sneak into every corner of your life—including your divorce.

Most of us recognize career burnout when we feel it: the dread of work, emotional exhaustion, and questioning if you can keep doing this day after day.

I’ve been there. In 2016, while studying to recertify for my Emergency Medicine board exam, I realized I was totally burned out. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was also suffering from divorce burnout—and it had been quietly draining me for years.

Back then, no one was talking about this. Wellness wasn’t mainstream, and burnout in divorce? Not even on the radar. But in hindsight, the signs were all there. My divorce had been finalized two years earlier, but I was still navigating constant conflict with my coparent. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted—trying to be a good doctor, a good mom, and somehow hold it all together.

If you're a working mom—especially in medicine—going through divorce, you might be experiencing divorce burnout without even knowing it. And it’s costing you more than just energy. It’s affecting your work, your parenting, your health, and your future.

Let’s take a closer look...

What Is Divorce Burnout?

Divorce burnout is the mental, emotional, and physical fatigue that comes from navigating a high-conflict or prolonged divorce.

It's not just the legal paperwork or custody logistics—it’s the feeling of being stuck in a broken system while trying to hold up your entire life. It's a form of moral injury, too—when you're trying to protect your children and act in their best interest, but the system won't let you. (If you’ve read Determined: How Burned-Out Doctors Can Thrive in a Broken Medical System by Dr. Jimmy Turner, you know what I mean.)

Most of my clients don’t realize this is what they’re experiencing. They just know they’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and starting to wonder, “will this ever get any easier?”

Here are three common signs of divorce burnout—and what to do about them.

1. “I feel trapped.”

Divorce often brings logistical traps—shared housing, financial entanglements, or coparenting dynamics that feel impossible to escape. You may feel physically stuck, like you can’t leave the marital home, which translates into feeling emotionally and mentally trapped, too.

This triggers a chronic stress response—one that floods your nervous system every day and keeps you in survival mode.

What helps:
You don’t have to wait for the big escape. Start by identifying small areas of agency. Ask yourself:

• What tiny decisions do I still get to make today?
• Where am I not trapped, even if it’s just for five minutes?

Even choosing what you eat for lunch or how you structure your evening routine is a reminder that you still have choice—even when life feels locked down.

“Freedom is in the choices, even the smallest ones.” — Inspired by Franklin D. Roosevelt

2. “I have no control.”

Divorce can feel like a long list of things you can’t control—your ex’s behavior, the family court timeline, the judge’s decisions, your attorney’s strategy.

It’s infuriating. Especially when, like me, you’re used to being competent, respected, and capable in your career. Suddenly, you’re at the mercy of a legal system that doesn’t seem to understand your life—or your kids and the situation they’re in.

What helps:
Focus your limited energy on what you can control: your mindset, your boundaries, your reactions, your next best step.
 

I like to tweak the Serenity Prayer for divorce burnout:

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot control,
Courage to control the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.”

It’s not about pretending you’re okay with everything—it’s about not letting the uncontrollable steal your power.

3. “I’m completely exhausted.”

This kind of exhaustion goes beyond needing a nap. It’s the bone-deep fatigue that makes you wonder if you can keep going. And the paperwork? The constant communication with your ex? The emotional labor of holding it all together for your kids?

It’s relentless.

But not all exhaustion is created equal. There’s physical exhaustion (which sleep can help), and then there’s mental and emotional depletion—which requires deeper replenishment.

What helps:
Start by checking in with your basic needs.

• Are you eating?
• Are you sleeping enough to function?
• Are you getting any time to yourself?

My friend offered me this acronym to use when feeling out-of-sorts, and I use it for myself and my kids:

CHESS

• C - Connection (with other or yourself)
• H - Health/Hygeine (eat something healthy, take a shower, put on clean clothes)
• E - Exercise/Loving Movement (be active in whatever way feels good to you)
• S - Sunshine (get outside; touch grass)
• S - Sleep (even a short nap can help restore your energy)

If you’re a physician mom, you’re probably used to ignoring your own needs. But you can’t outwork burnout. You have to care for the body and mind that are getting you through this.

A nervous system in survival mode can’t make empowered decisions.
Give yourself the fuel to come back online.

You Don’t Have to Go Through Divorce Burnout Alone

One of the best ways to reduce burnout is to stop trying to do this alone. You’re not weak or broken—you’re navigating a massive life change while managing a career, kids, and a court system that was not designed with your well-being in mind.

Every month, I co-host a free webinar designed for working women—especially professionals—who are considering or going through divorce. You’ll get a chance to hear from a lawyer, a divorce lending professional, and me—a divorce coach who’s been through it and trained to help you move through it with less stress.

We created this webinar because we kept hearing from women just like you:
“I didn’t even know I needed this info. Now I feel less overwhelmed and more empowered.”

Ready to feel more in control of your divorce—and your life?

📅 Sign up for the next session: www.figurelifeout.com/divorce-support

Dr. Stefanie Huff is a certified divorce coach for women physicians and professional working moms. She helps overwhelmed moms navigate divorce with clarity, calm, and confidence—so they can protect their peace, their children, and their future.